What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 02:43
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
What is the difference between the Bible and the Qur'an?
She loved him until the end.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
How do you recognize when your mental health might need attention?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But ive been too sick for many years..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
How does an experienced gay/bi guy handle a bi-courius guy on his first time?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Why did i forgive my father ?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
What was your wildest experience as a lesbian?
Ive learnt so much.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She wouldn,t have been !
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Was to survive, this bastard.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
What legal actions can be taken if a neighbor's unleashed dog causes harm or injury?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
What's an uncomfortable truth you've learned to accept?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Put me off passion for life!!
My friend asked my crush and he said my crush hates me but not in a rude way. What does that mean?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I was seconnd youngest,
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I write beautiful poetry .
One cannot live in the past .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But, we were locked up after school.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I waited trembling.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I know ,a lot about trauma.
When she asked me how she looked .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Comes on , in middle age.
I think the readers, may guess!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I have no regrets .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Especially a lifetime of it.
We all went to grammer schools
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My life is so biszare .
Im still living with it.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
It was going to be , some day.
Who then, do I blame.?
She found it foreign!.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I was scared of men, in general
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She married twice! .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
So, i spoilt her more .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I don,t even have a pension.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was very sick at this time too.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He knew the spot.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But it wasn’t much.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
We were not on the streets..
I never cut or harmed myself..
I was 9 years of age.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I will be 64.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My family never makes their pension either.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Would this be the day?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I could never make a relationship work though!
As i do to all so called friends.?
And i lived it daily.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
(And it was in our own minds.)
All the time i was locked up.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
What did i know ?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I said to her
So whats the point in blame.
She was in good health!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
This is soul school!.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
My mum and dad in the seventies!